(Adrian - man, age 28)
Dream:
"I am with my father in our family home in the countryside. We moved there when I was about seven years old. It was the time when my parents decided to move out of the city. I don't have many good memories about this place. It was the time when their marriage started falling apart. My mother was an alcoholic and I think that moving out was meant to help but this never happened. In my dream my dad and I are both in the big room. This is how we called the large guest room where my parents spend most of their time. My dad looks very sick and weak in the dream, we talk and I tell him about a new project on which I was assigned to work. I want to show him the plans and photos I came up with, he seems to share my excitement despite the way he feels, he wants me to show him all the paperwork for my project...
"You never really learn much from hearing yourself speak.” - George Clooney
I keep everything in the small attic room. It was my room in the house and we used to call this room “a small room”. When I come inside to get the paperwork, I am surprised to find my mother there. She's very angry about something and starts arguing with me, I want to get my stuff and go back but she starts pushing. We argue for a while, I push her back and my mother's shirt tears to shreds. And it makes me feel ashamed, like I've done something wrong and want to run away and leave the room. Father approaches us in the corridor, but he is very sick, falls down, bangs his head on the hard floor and faints. His head looks very small and I am very afraid that he might have died. I lean over him and hold his head in my arms. I feel a lot of pity, regret and sadness."
Dream interpretation:
A new work project, as an achievement on the professional ground, relates with an effort to create a strong Ego. The feeling of satisfaction that the dreamer wants to share with his father reveals his subconscious longing for self-acceptance. On the other hand, his father's weakness and his exhaustion, points to what are in fact the dreamer's own emotions. An interesting way to interpret a dream is to look at its characters in it the same way as at the actors who are part of the same theatrical play. Such play taking place on the stages of one's imagination characterises his/her personality. Just the same as we are coming out from the theatre, the people we meet in our life, come out from such interactions (in a wider view even relationships) carrying a piece of the drama we carry hidden in ourselves. In the context of Adrian’s dream, the cast of the play includes his Ego cast as himself, and both of his parents in a roles of the psychic dynamics and complexes that for some reason are now coming to the spotlight. All characters are separate parts of one whole; his personality. In order to interpret a dream, it's important to understand it not only from the perspective of what we could call the dreaming Ego but also its depth.
R: Can you focus on your father for a moment, try to put yourself in his shoes and see if you can describe the way you feel or maybe think of something that you could have said?
A: Well, I feel very ill, weak and I'm tired, but I'm happy with my son, that is myself in my dream, I think I am proud of myself.
R: Why are you proud?
A: Because my son is doing well, I guess I just wish that my dad would see me doing well at work, I guess he would be proud if he was still alive.
R: Ok, what about the head, how does it feel to have such a small head?
A: I don't know. It must be weird… I feel like everything is compressed on the inside? I feel a lot of pressure. Like I have everything on my head and I can't handle it
R: Everything?
A: It’s weird but I thought about the Goomba’s characters from the Mario Bros game and that I am pathetic and just keep on running and doing pointless things.
R: Can you now imagine that it is you walking and falling to the floor, what happened there?
A: Well, I feel… ashamed. You know how when you are so powerless but at the same time so powerless that you don't even care if you are doing a scene and people are looking at you. Oh, and I also hate people feeling sorry for me… just like me in the dream where I felt so bad about my father. But if I were him, like you asked me to imagine, I would hate the feeling of weakness and the fact that people would feel pity for me. I don't like being seen as weak, I would rather have people dislike me if anything.
From the dreamer’s point of view his father “seems to share” his excitement, however when I encouraged him to embody his father character on it's own ground, the dreamer didn't mention anything related to his own achievement. The dreamer's father is weak and sick, and as a character describes what is in fact a present state of the dreamer's mind. He embodies an exhaustion accumulated in the dreamer's head, “Like I have everything on my head and I can't handle it” and as the dreamer further associates “I am pathetic and just keep on running and doing pointless things”. Perhaps the dreamer is unconsciously getting tired of making an effort to achieve that kind of an Ego that he could feel proud of himself, but at the same time he feels drained inside. He feels overwhelmed and he collapses to the ground in the end. The first part of the dream unveils the psychic dynamics that at some degree describe Adrian’s perception of reality. His willingness to comply, and a kind of paternal attitude towards others, despite exhaustion. It also exposes his fear of being seen as weak, which keeps him going despite exhaustion. A fear that paradoxically wears him out even more until he just can't walk any longer.
R: Can you now try to imagine that you step into your mothers shoes. Can you tell me how does that feel? Anything comes to your mind?
A: It was easier with my father I think but I feel a lot of anger, some envy or jealousy.
R: Why?
A: Perhaps that I got a promotion at work, and I don't know why, but I think I just want to ruin the moment?
R: So it is quite the opposite of what was seen in your father?
A: Yes, definitely. I have the impression that my mother doesn't wish me well and wants to humiliate me.
R: Ok, and you can imagine that you are her. Do you think of anything that might illustrate how or what she feels in this situation?
A: Well, she's angry, and I think she feels a bit rejected, maybe a bit misunderstood, I am not sure it's difficult for me to do that, it was easier when we tried with my father.
The dreamer's mother represents something that strongly demands his attention. A female instinct that is aggressive and uncontrollable. Adrian’s Ego is afraid of these emotions, he fears that it might reveal something that is under the image of his Persona and despite his effort to ruin that image. We could think of the small room, as the place that resonates with the dreamer's inner child and in that order the figure of his mother may symbolise something that he suppressed and that he is ashamed of. During this internal struggle, his mother's shirt tears, showing her nudity, that is symbolically, revealing what is hidden underneath the image of the dreamer's Persona. At this point Adrian feels frustration and the danger of being exposed and ashamed.
Comments